July 22nd, 2008

 WORKSHOP FOR PROFESSIONALS

Dr. Bakaly has been invited to present on how families and boys can grow more emotionally connected rather than further apart during adolescence.  Below is an abstract and summary of his presentation in the fall.  If you are interested in attending this presentation as a mental health professional please contact the LA County Psychological Association at www.lapsych.org .

EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED RELATIONSHIPS WITH ADOLESCENT BOYS

LA County Psychological Association Conference Presentation

October 18, 2008

Abstract

This workshop presents how adolescent boys are hurt by embracing destructive masculine myths and how parents remove these limits that they may unknowingly put on them.  Participants learn how families can facilitate their boys’ growth helping them become solid and independent while valuing and respecting connection with others.

 

Educational Goals of the Course

  1. Participants will understand the importance and power of the boy code and culture and its influence on boys and their relationships.
  2. Participants will learn how to get parents to self confront regarding their own view of what it means to be a man.
  3. Participants will learn how to encourage families to remove these narrow gender limits put on boys by helping them to be both independent and connected to those around them.

Summary

First, the presenter will lecture on how boys have been socialized with an unwritten and unhelpful code of conduct which extends across generations, cultures and socio-economic levels that dictates how they should think, feel and act. This lecture will be practical and based on theory and empirical research. Next, through an experiential exercise, participants will begin to see how this destructive masculine myth greatly impacts teenage boys and their relationships. Case examples and highlights from videotapes will show the heartbreaking consequences for boys when they and their parents hold tight to the unhelpful masculine myths.  Finally, the presenter will walk the participants through a straight forward intervention  to get parents to self confront regarding their own view of what it means to be a man and  to remove these limits they put on their boys. In addition participants will be taught family therapy strategies to help boys to become solid and independent while at the same time valuing and respecting connection with others.

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GROWING UP RESPONSIBLE TEENAGERS

April 2nd, 2008

Here are some bullet points that might help you to raise responsible teenagers and stay connected with them.  Change is very hard.  The wonderful thing is, if you just did one of these things and weren’t any worse in anything else you did with your teen, you would probably notice a positive difference in you and possibly in the relationship.  All it takes is movement in one person for a relationship to change, though no one said it would be easy.

  • Pursue conversations that have meaning to you and to your teenager.  Don’t get stuck on irrelevant issues.
  • Communicate briefly and to the point.
  • Challenge them to think through the topic, rather than explaining it to them over and over.

  • Hold yourself and them accountable to actions.

  • Don’t become more anxious over their lives than your teenagers are.  After all, we probably have more important things occurring in our lives to be concerned about than our teenagers issues.  Find ways to get them to take care of them.

  • Calm yourself down, few situations require immediate action.

  • Control your emotional reaction and think first.

  • Remember that we and society have given teens a lot more freedom and power to act and they know it.  They also can’t handle some of it.  Stay involved.

  • Set clear limits.

 

Throughout all of this, enjoy them!  It is a wonderful developmental age and time for a family!

John Bakaly

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